Who Are You?: xoe

Where Are You?: Hunched over a desk thats too low, in an old box room we stripped out. It still has some migrating brown paper lining the walls, and the lightfitting has no shade as yet (or possibly, will ever). If I lean over just enough so as not to fall out of my chair, I can see out of the window onto a sleepy borough of East London, said to home the highest number of old age pensioners in England.

What Are You?: Mostly irrelevant, unimportant or obvious things I would suppose. Of the lesser evils I am a writer, an artist, a promoter of sorts, a mass of bungling ideas that never quite manage to make it all out of my head. I am 'in between' at the moment, I am in love, I am extremely impatient, but I listen well. I am a perfectionist, and I am cold (central heating's gone bust).

What do you make?: I make mess. I live in mess... organised mess. I make trees made of brick, I make photographs, I make vegetarian sushi. I make myself angry and I make headaches appear from nowhere just minutes before important meetings or interviews. I sometimes make people laugh, though Im not entirely sure if its always intended.

What do you love?: I love people being so fickle about things. I love bringing things together than dont seem to relate. I love coming away from a meeting and re-living what I should have said instead of what I did say. I love reading. I love looking and watching. I love the smell of cut grass just before the sun goes down in the summer, and the smell of ice on the windscreen at 6am in the winter. I love tom, reggie, dudley and george but in varying orders.

What do you hate?: I hate being quizzed about things I dont know. I hate being made to feel stupid or inadequate. I hate musos in any form; be they music know alls, or wanky artists. There really is no need to blow and indeed suck ones own trumpet. I hate the thought of wrists for some reason.

What do you listen to?: Music wise I listed to a mixed bag; Wagon Christ, Bob Dylan, Low, Shellac, Oxes, Charlie 'bird' Parker, Sun Ra and his Arkestra, Motown, Blackalicious, Godspeed!, Designer... oh lots and lots of stuff. I also really really love listening to rain, storms, the sea, the sound of drying leaves, fish feeding, soft sleep breathing.

What do you watch?: People. Old videos. Occasionally cinema flicks. Not that keen on the telly.

What do you drink?: BIG fan of orange and mango smoothies... Um, I think theyre PJs or something thereabouts. A nice bottle of red on occasion. Cold beer.

What do you smoke?: Nothing. I quit the ciggies about 2 months ago, and I stopped smoking anything 'naughty' when I decided that I should be living in realtime.

What do you take?: I take walks to clear my head (which doesnt work, but it sounds so nice to say). I take asprin, but I cant take paracetemol. I take lunch with me everyday, because I am poor.

What do you believe in?: I believe in reality, the present, and the past. I believe in money, in sex, and in work. They all exist after all, and without them, Im sure my life as a 'not really a'capitalist living in the capital would be far duller. I believe that communism is a nice idea. I believe that if I had known then what I know now, I would be a far wiser person.

When We Were 16

Where were you?: Some other place in East London, at school... Probably drinking rum in German class and debating the necessity of learning maths with my peers.

What were you?: A pain in the arse. A depressed teenager with eating disorders and an image to maintain. An "alternative character" (see school report#96) who had more theories than.. well... than a few.

What did you wear?: fitted shirts, capri pants, ballet cut slip on shoes, big round black sunglasses, hoop earings... anything remotely 50's retro... that or mens jeans and baggy loose knit jumpers. (Strangely both behind and ahead of my time at once)

What did you listen to?: Um... trashy dance, bob dylan, rave, early blur and nirvana... east 17... billie holiday... michael jackson (jackson 5- thriller era)

What did you watch?: Neighbours (religiously). People (suspiciously). The sun rise (frequently-- bit of a night hawk)

What did you love?: Dave Grohl, Matt Hobbins (both from afar). My best friend, Bella. My secrets.

What did you hate?: Coming into school to find no-one speaking to me and rumours flying around as to why I was in hospital. The people I thought were my friends. Being so young and feeling so old. Having no power over what was happeneing. My secrets.

What did you drink?: Anything I could get my hands on. Mainly vodka.

What did you smoke?: Hash, Weed, Cigarettes, Crack.

What did you take?: Speed, Coke.

What did you want to be?: Dead before I was 20.

Who did you fight?: A girl called Maria. She had slammed a girl called Niki against the wall and for some reason, and for the first time in my life-- I went mad and punched her in the face.

Who/What did you believe in?: Nothing much for very long.

Where did you go?: To the clearing-- A patch of grass by a man made reservoir. Or to the clearing#2-- a 'fairy circle' by the golf course in Epping forest. Also behind the pavillion for a smoke during break, to the Island nightclub in Ilford, and to the George pub.

What did you learn?: A friend in need will leave you when they dont need you anymore. Dont open yourself to potentially dangerous situations. I am not invincible, nor am I all that strong. There is really no point in making yourself grow up before you are ready... life will make you do that anyway. Cherish what you love. And god, a million other pearls of wisdom too cheesy to breath.

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