Who Are You?: sethe

Where Are You?: in the study, where the hamsters live and the books are plentiful

What Are You?: a writer, a student enjoying her year off, professional appreciator of things

What do you make?: baked goods of all sorts. dinner, too, sometimes. collages from glossy fashion magazines.

What do you love?: my parents. having a religion. my hamsters. books. art of any kind. music. but mostly books and people.

What do you hate?: pretentiousness. the way some people i know think "oh, she's so naive" when i tell them i still believe in love and happiness and god.

What do you listen to?: today, clem snide graced my stereo. but lots of other things, too. (speaking of, i finally listened to ballboy, although not "i lost you but...". that one's been hard to track down.) gregorian chant. jazz.

What do you watch?: the telly. my hamsters run around the cage frantically when i try to pet them. people and the ground when i walk.

What do you drink?: water and this herbal medicine my grandmother shipped me. (gin no longer...)

What do you smoke?: the second-hand smoke from my father's "slim" cigarettes.

What do you take?: advil for cramps. nothing too seriously.

What do you believe in?: love and happiness and god and all manners of things that my punk/gothrock/hardcore friends call false.

When We Were 16

Where were you?: in someplace miserable

What were you?: really sad and suicidal

What did you wear?: no underwear, very loud tights and long sweaters.

What did you listen to?: the velvet underground. (i still do, but i lived with them for some time...) the voices in my head. andy warhol whisper in my ears.

What did you watch?: happy people. the way a certain person moved in his skin.

What did you love?: the boy with the green velvet blazer, who had a horrid record collection and horrifyingly stoic manners but was (is!) perfect nonetheless

What did you hate?: me and the world and everyone in it, especially if they were more talented than i was

What did you drink?: gin, and lots of it

What did you smoke?: stolen cigarettes

What did you take?: ritalin and codeine, sometimes, or cough syrup. a lot of shit from stupid people who could never shut up about their latest crush or the "hi" she said to him. tylenol for cramps.

What did you want to be?: dead

Who did you fight?: anyone who disagreed with me on anything

Who/What did you believe in?: that a nuclear warfare would be a blessing to all mankind

Where did you go?: the library to take out books on depression, to learn different manners by which people died. my bed to cry. the loaf to see dean, who was the only person in my life who was even remotely happy. the playground to pretend to be happy. the toilet to purge.

What did you learn?: it's better to be wrong and happy than right and depressed. metaphysics doesn't really matter. insane geniuses make terrible company, and truly loving oneself is more difficult than it sounds. not that many people do, and they also are terrible companions. it sucks to not have an omniscent, all-powerful god in your life and take that place by yourself. but mostly that it's better to be happy than unhappy for the sake of art.

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