Who Are You?: Me

Where Are You?: In the middle of Glasgow staring at a computer screen pretending I have work to do.

What Are You?: A faceless minion

What do you make?: Lots and lots of telephone calls. (Well that's what I get paid for) When I'm not being paid I make the tea, paintings (now and then), a mess and many other things in no particular order.

What do you love?: Very little since I found the headset with my name on it.

What do you hate?: See above.

What do you listen to?: During the day I listen to people running the global economy. (We are doomed start bartering your money will be worthless soon enough.) This week during the time they have me unchained from my chair I have been listening to Belle and Sebastian, Interpol and a compilation CD my sister made me to cheer me up.

What do you watch?: People outside, the flashing cursor. I've almost given up on TV.

What do you drink?: Coffee, Irn Bru. I've been completely alcohol free since last year.

What do you smoke?: Nothing.

What do you take?: Migraines

What do you believe in?: That one day I will no longer be living in constant danger of acoustic shock. That there are some good people out there. The Easter Bunny.

When We Were 16

Where were you?: Three miles south of here praying for double maths to end.

What were you?: Fat and spotty.

What did you wear?: An outsized green velvet jacket, lots of black things.

What did you listen to?: The radio, Pulp, Radiohead.

What did you watch?: Star Trek sadly enough. Anything with aliens really.

What did you love?: My friends. The Virgina galleries.

What did you hate?: Many of the things I still hate. Strappy people (you know girls who go out wearing two straps maskerading as a top and a skirt and the blokes that hang anound with them.) Neds. The tabloids. Clubs. Smoking.

What did you drink?: Same as now, but with no previous period of excess to feel guilty about

What did you smoke?: Nothing.

What did you take?: Nothing. I was bloody boring really wasn't I.

What did you want to be?: At 16 I wanted to be a chemist, I changed my mind and studied Art and English lit 2 years later.

Who did you fight?: My sister, my parents, the assistant head.

Who/What did you believe in?: Things, stuff, I don't remember being deeply philosophical.

Where did you go?: To the park, to my friends houses. Then later on to Merseyside, but I came back because it's still the 1980's there.

What did you learn?: Not that much all things considered.

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