Michael Layne Heath

Who Are You?: Michael Layne Heath.

Where Are You?: San Francisco, Calif.

What Are You?: Writer, singer, musician, all around bohemian generalist.

What do you make?: Love, art, money, in that order. (Damn it.)

What do you love?: My friends, life itself for the most part, chile relleno burritos from Zona Rosa and La Cumbre taquerias, rediscovering old punkrock bands like Alternative TV and the Subway Sect, discovering for the first time obscure 60's female singers from the UK (praises be to Bob Stanley and his AM I DREAMING? CD compi. of said girl singers), as well as bands that restore my faith in Pop Music, like Stephen Merritt's projects or this band from Texas called Cotton Mather. (Five words: their KONTIKI CD - get it!!). Oh yes, and also free e-mail accounts.

What do you hate?: That what passes for "alternative rock" on the radio these days is mostly made by guys who don't understand and for the most part can't really play heavy metal or hiphop or funk or "industrial" very well, so they schmush it all together and have a go with the result (hello Korn, hello Deftones, hello Brian 'Charles Monroe' Warner). Also: loony downstairs neighbors that swear i'm playing my music too loud when in fact i am listening to a Walkman with headphones on; most politicians; the never ending scumstream of Trustafarians who troop up and down Upper Haight Street, unaware that The Hippie Scene died a nasty death around here LOOONG ago; snotty record store clerks (you're only SELLING the music, not MAKING it). The word "dude". People who use the f-word as if it was going out of style or when they can't think of anything else to say. Revisionist nostalgia for stuff that in the Seventies i would have crossed the strret to avoid coming in contact with. That VELVET GOLDMINE was not a better movie than it was. Government-and-media-perpetuated stupidity and amnesia...'zat enough for you?

What do you listen to?: Cotton Mather's KONTIKI CD; ANYTHING by the Fall; New York rock de la 70's; heavy heavy dub; Juan Atkins' MASTERMIX CD on WaxTrax; SAINT ETIENNE!!; "BIFF BANG POWDER!" by Powder (cruelly overlooked SF Bay Area Sixties anglophilia in full feedback drenched effect!); Alternative TV's RADIO SESSIONS; Vic Godard's LONG TERM SIDE EFFECT CD.

What do you watch?: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER series; videos mostly, music and comedy especially.

What do you drink?: Milk, beer, malt liquor, orange juice.

What do you smoke?: GPC generic ciggies.

What do you take?: No guff when i strut my stuff.

What do you believe in?: Billy Wilder and the unified field theory.

When We Were 16

Where were you?: East Coast of America, Maryland to be exact.

What were you?: A miserable, music-loving, sports-hating, spotty-faced, mama-dressed, stepdad-abused mass of confusion.

What did you wear?: NOT leisure suits, despite my folks' best efforts, thank Christ...

What did you listen to?: Local Top 40 stations in the hope that they'd drop a Slade or Suzi Quatro or Mott track in between Elton John and the Captain and Tennille. Mostly though, to the record i'd gotten for the previous Xmas or birthday...that year, it was TIME FADES AWAY by Neil Young, MOTT by Mott the Hoople, and DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.

What did you watch?: Midnight Special and Don Kirshner's Rock Concert.

What did you love?: Myself, which wasn't easy given the circumstances.

What did you hate?: Everyone who wasn't in a band that i liked. And Nixon.

What did you drink?: Soda pop.

What did you smoke?: Didn't, that was for the hoody kids hanging around the "smoking lounge" (read: tarmac adjacent to the parking lot at my highschool).

What did you take?: Too much, too soon.

What did you want to be?: A famous writer or singer.

Who did you fight?: The Man, who usually took the form of my stepfather.

Who/What did you believe in?: Herman Hesse, Richard Brautigan, Monty Python, and the redeeming power of rock and roll

Where did you go?: Around and around in circles.

What did you learn?: That i would never want to be sixteen ever again unless it was according to my terms, though knowing how God has a sense of humor, it would probably get as screwed up as Stanley Moon's wishes were in the movie BEDAZZLED.