Who Are You?: natalie today as opposed to natalie yesterday. i can safely say that as well as the temperature being quite different, so am i.
Where Are You?: the inbetween. i am waiting for something while i am forced to endure something quite different. the conclusion i have drawn that adults are limited people in that we reach a certain age and believe that we must force ourselves into these positions. it's almost four o'clock in the afternoon on a thursday in philadelphia, pennsylvania on broad street and i would rather have sand under my toes at water. it's october.
What Are You?: affected.
What do you make?: make time pass is a talent i have learned i have a lot to spare. it bothers me that i am so intent on getting through these weekdays that i am forgetting that each day, each dull accomplishment in having made it through, i am, in fact, a little older. that bothers me a lot.
What do you love?: i'll let you know. right now, i am trying very very hard to define what good means. in becoming more analyical, i have also inherited a great deal of subjectivism. it's intefering with my perceptions now. i have this idea that good and bad are too close to call. it didn't used to be like that when i judged the amount of money i had by how much bubble gum i could buy.
What do you hate?: same thing.
What do you listen to?: i listen to this intuition that suggests i am not doing my best, that i am distracted by the art of being distracting. dorothy parker was correct when she would show up the algonquin table drunk and cut through the pretention like a ninja. that's the other thing i need to relearn, how to step a little more wildly in the right places.
What do you watch?: my steps. i am a different person than before. i don't think i'd have liked me now. it's not written in blood though. i'm reemerging. i plan on being a part of the way back by this weekend. the smell of fresh paint helps a lot.
What do you drink?: the better question is when. that would depend on the obligations one has. a saturday is a merrier day in an ironic way. a monday is a headache.
What do you smoke?: nothing. this is the clearest answer i have.
What do you take?: i take a lot of moments to think about things a little too deeply. i take just as much time to doubt myself and my work. i would rather take a leap. i may do that yet.
What do you believe in?: i really don't know anymore. does that sound sad? i'm not sure it is. just different.
When We Were 16Where were you?: in a car thinking that i was flying.
What were you?: an idealist with a pencil in one hand and a paint brush in the other reciting lines on a wooden stage somewhere. that was definitely primacy.
What did you wear?: things that made people take me seriously. not loud things, but plain things. older things than that of a 16 year old. then again, we didn't have naval rings around as much then. we had hairspray. lots and lots of hair spray.
What did you listen to?: my heart. it was easier without bills and expectations and existing within a place of learning.
What did you watch?: my watch. nothing could happen fast enough. still can't.
What did you love?: the idea of the future. it looked important. it was a very novel concept to me then. now, i think i fear it a little more each day.
What did you hate?: high school, the cluster of desks and pretentions and peer pressures. i hated that because i didn't have a game piece to move on the board, to win prom queen and collect 200 dollars. i don't think i ever wanted to. still don't.
What did you drink?: drank up fame. it was a religion. bigger than jesus.
What did you smoke?: nothing at all.
What did you take?: i took care of my headaches as best i could. when you think too much, you can get headaches. now, i think they may have either gone away or i got used to them.
What did you want to be?: important.
Who did you fight?: myself. like i do now, but differently then.
Who/What did you believe in?: i believed more in myself. as i said, i am returning to that again.
Where did you go?: i moved within a small space for the most part, but then bolted out of the perimeter in creative ways. i knew better the art of making due with what you have by making more of it. now, i just need the more part. now that, definitely, is sad.
What did you learn?: then or now?
and did i?