April 1999

The Rob Lo fidelity experience...

Firstly, I'd like to thank ITV for moving Club@vision back an hour or so because I used to come in from DJ-ing at Bartok and watch it when there wasn't a good (bad) horror movie on tv. It turned out to be more horrific than anything concocted by Hammer or the host of other directors making supposedly scary movies in the 60s/70s. Club@vision was my idea of a nightmare, but like car crashes and 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' it proved to be compulsive/repulsive viewing.

Perhaps I watched it because I'm supposedly connected, however tenuously, to that branch of entertainment which involves DJs, although the similarity stops there. I watched the previous bimbo presenter flit from club to club, thrusting her face/body/microphone at those involved in the wunnerful world of Club UK. Promoters, DJs and punters alike had all been lobotomised and, of course, drugged. The music was all the same kind of Disco-you-know garbage. And everyone involved swore that their favourite club was 'totally unlike any other in the land'. And my girlfriend and I would gradually realise, after about three minutes, that we were witnessing the most horrific display of human stupidity possible.

We also realised how dumb the dumbing down of clubbing had got. Back in our Youth, when DJs played James Brown records on wind-up gramophones in mud huts in the country, clubs were the haunt of those hungry for the forbidden fruits of Funk. It was, dare I say it, underground, in the true musical sense of the word. But now that it's the official soundtrack to everyday life, why, any (and every) clueless idiot goes 'clubbing'. And they wear fancy-dress instead of developing Style. Well, kids, take a tip from me; before you even think about joining Club UK, the most 'rebellious' thing you can do is reject all that in favour of denim and Hard Rock.

For the new series of Club@vision they have a new bimbo, Janine Newbury (former model, wanted to get into tv) who has all the right qualifications (big gob, tits, 'proper' body). And they've moved it to a later slot. Thank god. Now I'm in the land of nod by the time the nation is treated to the antics of those who are never sleeping at 2.30 on a Saturday morning. Somebody please tell me that Club@vision and the people on it were all just parts of a nightmare from which I have now, thankfully, awoken. And that, when I look at the tv listings and see it's name, I'm just having flashbacks...

2 records for Janine Newbury

Speedranch^Jansky Noise present: Execrate (Leaf)...Side X is especially good, being five tracks by the hosts - lots of snarling & growling & high-frequency disturbance. My favourite track is 'Necessary Aggression', surely the best use of explosions on record, ever. Side O's first two, from Somatic Responses and Marco Passarani, are all very well in the industrial sounclash tradition, but Jega's 'Tool 1' provides another highlight, especially in the form of guest vocals from a Dalek.

Dom & Roland - Parasite/Homicide (Moving Shadow)...'Parasite', with it's long acoustic piano intro and b-line that almost breaks down, is the best d&b release so far this year. 'Homicide' has a sampled voice saying 'The man who passes you on the street and catches your eye, does he know you? Did you go to school together? Is he a homicidal maniac who hates you on sight? Or is it nothing...nothing at all...?' Dominic Angus puts the right kind of breaks, beats & other noises all in the right order, for the right effect. Everything about these two tracks is just right.

© Rob Lo March '99

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