Last summer I had two routes that were my ‘big summer rides’. One of them was up through Crediton to Tedburn St Mary and then back to Exeter via the bizarre Pathfinder village (it’s a village of, well, paths. No roads. No cars. Sounds cool. Except it looks like some weird retirement village, and it’s in the middle of nowhere.) and then up one of the many Pound Lanes that seem to pepper Devon. The second was my ride inspired by In The Place Of Fallen Leaves. Up over Longdown (it’s only a long down coming back to Exeter. The other way it’s a long up) and then down the Teign valley to Trusham and back over Great Haldon, nodding to the great white Lawrence tower on the way, before speeding down into Starcross and back along the estuary to town.

This year, however, those ‘big’ summer rides don’t seem so big. A slightly extended version of the first became a regular after-school ride as far back as May, whilst the Trusham route was executed for the first time way back in February, since when it’s become more of a two and a quarter hour sprint. So today I decided I’d put the two rides together and make a route that might qualify as one of my bigger summer rides. It turned out to be a great ride. Especially discovering the amazing views afforded from the nameless hill beside the Oxenpark Plantation; a view that explodes across a multitude of dipping and diving valleys out to Dartmoor before the road drops almost vertically into one of those scary Devon valleys at the bottom of which is the Staddon Ford. No idea why it’s called that because the two streams it fords appear to be called the Reedy Brook and the Ducks Brook. No ducks were in evidence today, however. Maybe they live further upstream.

What I love most about all of this of course is not only that I get to see such amazing sights, but that unless you’re on two wheels, you’re gonna miss it. A sign at the beginning of this road in question states ‘unsuitable for long vehicles’ which really means that unless you’re driving an original mini, forget it. And even if you did venture down there in a car, you’d probably never have the chance to enjoy the views because you’d be crapping yourself in fear of meeting something coming the other way. So you see I really love the Devon countryside because it seems to naturally legislate against the car. And that can only be a good thing.

On that note, there seemed to be a bit of a to-do on BBC’s Breakfast News this morning. I’m quite a fan of Breakfast News, especially when, like this morning, it’s Jeremy and Sophie presenting. Jeremy is great because he’s verging on fascist, and Sophie is great because she’s always laughing at him. Oh, and because she’s a bit of a fox. Do people still say that? Or have I been listening to Fox Base Alpha one too many times this week? Anyway. Bikes and Breakfast News: Jeremy getting all in a tizz because the EU wants to introduce laws in the UK that will lay the blame on ANY accident involving motorists and cyclists at the foot of the motorist, regardless of who did what and who’s ‘fault’ it actually seems to be. Just like they do in places like France and Holland (and we know what a bunch of weirdos THEY are, don’t we?). Lots of viewers were taking advantage of the interactive element of the show and were emailing and texting about how dreadful this plan was, and there was Jeremy getting all indignant. But it seemed that everyone was missing the real interest in the story, which to me seems to be that the UK is so backward in the relationship between bicycle and automobile. Unlike in other EU nations like Holland, the UK has always taken a defiantly pro-automobile stance, promoting the car above the bicycle at every turn. That this is slowly changing is to be applauded, but it’s going to be a long time before the combative stance between cyclists and motorists is overcome. I’m not sure that this kind of enforced discrimination in favour of the bikies is going to help overcome that friction, but as a non-driver and cyclist, I can only smile and think ‘right on.’

More amusing nonsense on Breakfast News centred on Marilyn Monroe. Jeremy made a complete fool of himself drooling over some footage of Monroe singing all about diamonds and stuff (you know, that bit that Madonna did a lot better in the ‘Material Girl’ video), whilst the drongo editor of New-Porn mag GQ made himself look even more stupid than one assumes he must be for being involved with such a publication. The main thrust of his comments were that Marilyn Monroe was ‘so sexy’. That’s all it ever came back to… ‘and she was so sexy.’ It was laughable. Jeremy was asking if there’d ever be ‘another Marilyn’ and the GQ bloke was rightly saying that no, there wouldn’t be, because of the nature of the contemporary media industry. But then when asked if Marilyn were to be starting out NOW, would she still be as big an icon, GQ bloke said ‘oh yes’… Huh? Did I miss something? And WHY would she be as big an icon now, even though we’ve already agreed that the media system and contemporary society by their very nature wouldn’t permit it? Because SHE WAS SEXY. Of course.

And what was Sophie doing in all of this? Sitting serenely on the sofa, laughing at the two blokes making fools of themselves. Go Sophie!

Besides which, Marilyn wasn’t that sexy at all. Not in my book anyway. Too curvy. Too ‘earth mother’ or something. Assuming Earth Mothers adorn themselves in diamonds. Well, you know what I mean. My wise and elegant friend in Korea and I have been discussing this recently… sexiness and beauty and such like, that is. It’s been agreed that Audrey Hepburn was immeasurably more alluring than Marilyn Monroe, but that if we were both boys right now we’d probably rather go for this Swedish girl called Sanna who has a website somewhere with gorgeous photos. I suggested this was partly because Sanna has the advantage of being alive, although it’s also to do with the fact that Audrey Hepburn always looks so PERFECT and unattainable. Like, go watch Roman Holiday again and tell me that you’d have even the remotest chance of talking to that princess… even if she was slumming it. Sheesh. Ain’t gonna happen. Not unless you’re a hunky American movie star. Mind you, having said that, if I were a boy right now, someone like Sanna would be unattainable too, and not just because she’s in Sweden…




posted by duke harringay at 8:48 PM